how is she acting...

I was asked today how does Chaltu react to fun things like May Procession, Mother, Daughter tea, fancy dresses and all new stuff? 
As I think about it made me want to post about a few things that she is still "going through"

She loves all of it, but when she gets to much (stuff or doing a lot) she still gets over stimulated, her reaction to this?? she wants me, it should all be about her and she wants more and more.  She gets very self-centered.  This happened this week with the dresses I bought, as in the same down I also gave her 2 books and a movie, WAY to much spoiling in one day, by the end of the night she had to give me the movie back as her behavior was not appropriate.  My lesson, stuff in small doses, my guess is she subconsciously thinks this could end so better get all she can while we are giving!  I could be totally wrong and she just wants more!!

The other piece she is still going through- being alone, does NOT like to be alone, by alone I mean in a room by herself. She is still sleeping with us, actually me in her bed, but nonetheless, she cannot sleep alone (never has)  she also will not go upstairs without one of us with her, which kind of stinks as she wants to play with her stuff, but is scared to be alone, if I go upstairs to get something and I don't tell her she will ask where I am.  She is really afraid to be left alone, we are working through it and taking small steps to get her comfortable although she did tell me that even when she is married she and her husband will sleep with me and her daddy!!  LOL!!!

so these are two of things we are still working through.  Not too shabby and not anything we cannot handle.  Just thought I would share!!

short update

We have been home just under 5 months! It is hard to believe!  My posts have been off and on as i find very little time to write! 
So here we are and what Miss Chaltu is up to!  She continues to excel in school, math is her favorite subject and she is learning to read more and more everyday.  Homework use to take 2 hours as I had to read and explain what she had to do, now she does it without my completely!!  She has made a lot more friends and has finally come out of her shell at school! Today we have our first all day play date!  She is really excited, as she is completely bored playing with me!

her language booms every week, she has lost most of her amharic, but still speaks her native language.  She now loves to wear her down (out fro style!)  She ran her first race last week and enjoyed it.  She gets in trouble as a normal 7 year old should!!

She is not sleeping in our bed anymore, although I now sleep in hers...baby steps!

She does not talk about her first family as much anymore, but is comfortable when she does.  She does not like to make decisions (what to eat, what show to watch, what dress to keep!) not sure if this is normal 7 year old behavior or not!

Eating- we have added pancakes, waffles and yogurt to the mix!  Mash potatoes are ok, but prefers boiled. 

I am not sure what else, while I am sure there is so much else!!  She is the light of our lives!!

Spending Money

The other day our little princess was talking about me buying things for her and when I said I don't have any money her reply was yes the red card (my debit card) and made a sliding motion and a beeping sound! She said it had lots of money on it! Oh boy!!

Well she herself as earned quite a bit of money and while I did make her buy her own candy a few weeks ago decided it was time again for her to use her money!

We had just finished her book of Ivy and Bean and she wanted the 2nd one, I told her that Daddy and I would take her to the bookstore to buy it, but she had to pay for it, she was fine with that.  As she counted her money yesterday (while we had our social worker visit!) she realized she had enough money to buy 2 books!  So after our 3 month visit, breakfast at Denny's we went to the bookstore.  She found both the 2nd and 3rd books and then she found another sticker book she wanted, so we told her she would only have enough money for 2 books not all 3, she paused, and asked if all her money would be gone, we said yep.  At that point it hit her, she was going to buy 2 books but have no money left!   She put one Ivy & Bean back and said maybe she would get it the following week, the sticker book was still appealing though and she was very confused.  I reminded her of the sticker book she had at home that was huge and she had barely touched, so she decided that maybe this new sticker book could wait until next week too!  I had her pay for her book (no at this point I did not have her hand all the quarters to the cashier! I told her to use her dollar bills) she did great! counted them all out herself.  It was quite adorable!
But I am realizing that we do not have a set system for giving her money or doing chores, it is random between Duane and I, so now the system must begin!  I am not sure yet what it will be or look like, so any thoughts for a 7 year old's chores, please let me know! 
On a similar note, she HATES shopping! While we are doing it she is definitely all about getting things, but she never wants to go and after says it was awful...This is very strange for Duane and I as we both LOVE shopping!

update

Ok, so I am finally updating!!  My days fly by so quickly!  Chaltu is growing, learning, adapting so well.  It is hard to believe that we have only been home for a little over 3 months, but then when I interact with her it seems like we have been home for so long!

Her language, all I can say is WOW!! I mean seriously, she is doing so well, although we did have an incident  at school where 2 girls were talking down to her and taking advantage of not only her limited english but her sweetness...the teacher handled it very well (so glad she is in that school) but she was pretty upset, they were talking to her like she was a baby and getting her to repeat things.  I just want to scream every time some one speaks to her like she is a toddler!  So does she!!

School is fantastic, her spelling skills and understanding of the words is awesome, she excels in math and seems to be doing great in everything else! 

Home...well she is very comfortable here, we did notice this week though that she is becoming a bit "bratty" if you will...so I am going to need to do a bit more structure and time for some more responsibility at home!! 
We are finally getting her to play in her room with her toys, she does not do this to much but when she does you can tell she loves it! 
She has grown- she is almost 50' tall and has gained 3 lbs, I think she had gained more, but I am so excited for this!  It is good to see her filled out.
While food is no longer a battle it is only because I don't make it one! She has added pancakes and waffles to her breakfast choices and now is in love with red potatoes, that is about it though! Oh well! She eats super healthy so I quit worrying about it.

She does know when to ask for things, she asks if she can watch tv, if she can have gum/candy...she is a very sweet and loving girl.  She loves Jesus and even started tearing up when we were talking about Holy week and his last few days.  Her heart is wonderful!
She still dances around the house 24/7 and sings!!

She is dying for us to adopt another (or a few) more kids!! She wants us to have a big family!
I cannot think of what else although I am sure there a billion things I have left out!
She is just a ray of light that I could not have ever imagined.  We are truly blessed that God gave her to us.

Horrible blogger!

Well I am still trying to figure out how to work and get other things done! So I am one of those horrible bloggers! But to make up for it I give you photo's of just the cutest thing in the world! Yes this weekend i will give an update on how things are going, where we have fallen and risen! Life is very good though! Just look at this smile, how could it not be amazing!

She had a dream

The other night Chaltu had a dream about her first mom, myself and Duane.  We were all together, how beautiful is that!  She was telling me about it last night, which prompted us to play a new "game" what do you miss about....A few weeks ago when she was grieving and I was struggling to get her to open up a fellow adoptive mom suggested that I relate to her in things I am sad about.  So now we have a great game which allow her to openly speak about what she loves, misses...and feel safe as I am doing the same thing.  Last night she really opened up and started telling me stories about playing with her brothers and sisters.  She misses them very much.  We went back and forth for about 30 minutes, I learned so much from her.  Overall the whole thing broke my heart, why did she have to leave her first family.  I am pretty sure she does not know why and there is not yet the opportunity for us to talk about it (I am creating a safe zone for her and will not push it).  I think there is a lot of confusion there which is completely understandable, it makes me very sad for her.  I know that she is happy here, she is bonding well with us still, she is a survivor though and realizes this is her forever home and I think a part of that makes her sad (which is a GREAT thing- she has emotions).  I will never let her forget her first family and all that she did with her siblings- we laughed so hard last night at some of the funny stuff we have both done that we cried. 
What I did realize last night though is that we need to make sure we are doing things that create new memories for her.  I know that we are on a small scale, but I really need to accelerate her play dates, making friends and doing things with other children.  This is a huge miss for us, while we have started doing this, not at the level we should.  So operation play date will be taking full force!! 
Now for a few funny things she has been saying/doing lately..
1. touches my belly, oh mommy belly too full
2. Mommy peasant (this was taught to her by Duane!) she is the queen
3. in watching the Brady Bunch- she thought in the song where it talks about the golden hair of the girls- that is said 3 terrible girls!
A few other things, she is a candy freak!! LOVES it!  at the store yesterday she wanted candy so I am now having her buy it, it was pretty funny to watch her maneuver through value and desire!
She is still dancing every second of the day that she can!
She wants to take some sort of an instrument lesson!- I am thinking drums- although I know piano is the best option, but she loves to pretend to beat on drums
Food is still a sore subject around here, it is her connection to her home, ALTHOUGH, at the store yesterday when we saw Naan bread she hugged and kissed it, when 3 weeks ago she was choking it down!
She is not thrilled with swim lessons, loves the water but not to sure of the lessons, we will see after today it is the 2nd one so maybe it will be better.
Math is definitely her favorite subject and the Bible is her favorite book. 
She is a perfect 7ish year old!!!

very random!

 So what are we up to? Chaltu had another explosion of English last week, when our Amharic speaking friend watched her last week, Chaltu always replied in English! Last night she read the book 5 little monkeys to me! It is a bit overwhelming how smart she is and how quickly she is catching on, I have to keep up and keep pushing her! She got another 100 on her spelling test and 3 of the 5 bonus words correct- including- Stations of the cross- try explaining the "tion" sound to a limited speaking English kid! she got it!
We got her a bike last weekend and she LOVES it!  we were able to go twice this week and she is really enjoying it- as am I, it allows me to run!! 

Dinner is my favorite time of day with Chaltu, it takes about an hour for her to eat...so I now take advantage of this, we practice spelling words, we talk, it is typically a very fun part of our day, this week though we wrote funny sentences about each other!  This was great, it allowed her to practice writing, to be silly  and creative! We had such a blast and this girl is very funny!  I think we are going to find a theater camp to put her in this summer!

Dancing, have I told you all her love of dancing? Seriously this girl is always dancing, we were at a TGI Fridays restaurant a few weeks ago and she and I went to wash her hands, a song came on with a good beat, and we had to stop what we were doing and bust into a dance party in the bathroom!  Every night she and I dance together, if I ask her to go get something/ do something she dances her way there!  Yes we are thinking of putting her in dance, but I am so conservative on somethings, that I really don't want her shaking her booty and wearing short shorts to dance in...we will see...I am still researching! I have relaxed a bit with the music I let her listen to so we can dance...the messages out there can be so...well you know!

Her eye...some of you know she is blind in one eye, it was due to an accident when she lived in her first home.  We went to the Dr. 2 weeks ago, we were very hopeful that maybe there would be some vision there...nope, none, nothing, nada, we have to get a ultrasound to ensure that there is nothing "growing" there (they are 99% sure there is not).  So it is what it is...it definitely does NOT stop her from anything!!  we go today to get her new glasses finally! We are all excited about this! 

Her newest chant (doing it right now) "Chaltu queen, Daddy king, Mommy princess"  although last night Daddy taught her the word peasant! so then mommy was a mere peasant!!!  She and I have gone over the order of queen and princess a lot!!!  It is pretty funny!! She gets it and wants to reign!! 

Well it is the first day in a few weeks we all have together and they are both up! I think we are headed out to breakfast, get glasses and then who knows what!! But I know it will be great!

adopting again?

I have always wanted a big family, picturing the family dinners, playing together in the park...all the dreamy stuff, no worries I am well aware of reality, different personalities, what all I would have to make to have that family dinner (every night), the fighting, crying...
Duane and I have probably had one of the easiest adoption processes out there, while it felt at times like hell, it was very easy compared to others.  We were very blessed.  We have been home with Chaltu just over 2 months, her transition has been pretty easy and our transition of becoming parents is coming along!!  The balance of work and motherhood is still a challenge for me, but I am learning.

So Duane and have been talking about doing it again, while I understand we have only been home 2 months, we all know how long the paperwork process takes and we would prefer if we are going to do this again to get started sooner rather than later.  But we keep flipping back and forth, do we do it again?
If we do, where? ET again, another country? domestic waiting child, what age, siblings? All the same questions come creeping back up! Then there is the financial aspect to it all, we now have a child who is in private school, so we have to think about that as well. 
I really do want that big family, I want Chaltu to have siblings that live with her and that are not just a distant memory, I want to adopt again, but I want it to be right!  I would love to hear from those of you that have adopted again, your thoughts, did you go older, younger, same country.  What Country's out there are in need of parents?  I will say we are not looking to adopt an infant, this we know (unless it was a sibling match).  Any thoughts, info...please either comment or send me an email!!

Her Past

Chaltu is sharing a lot about her life in Ethiopia, seemed to be our dinner conversation almost every night this week.  It is wonderful to hear her recount these memories.  Duane and I are in flux of how far to take our questions for her.  Currently I am very reserved when it comes to probing, really just letting her talk.  However we are really wanting to show her pictures of her family (from our trip) to ensure we know who everyone is and record their names properly so we never have to worry about her forgetting them.  But what do we show her, all the photos? the photos with us there? She is very happy in speaking about her family and seems very happy here with her new family, we just don't want to upset that balance.  She finally seems comfortable talking about her first mom and knows that we want her to, I think she was a bit scared to do that at first, but when she does I am quick to acknowledge and encourage her to talk about her/them.  I would love any advice here, what has worked...not worked...just your thoughts!

On a second note she is doing so well! School is really coming along, although I feel her teacher thinks we should be doing more for her with ESL/ELL, but we just have not been able to find anyone outside of school to do this.  I think her english is coming along brilliantly so I am not too worried about it!  I mean really she has been acing her spelling test and can tell you not only how to spell the words but what they mean! So...going to keep on keeping on!

well off to get ready for basketball (unless the snow makes them cancel)

Update

The other night I shared with Chaltu why I loved her, what a neat experience.  She laughed and giggled the whole time and was quite embarrassed.  But what was really neat is last night I asked her why I loved her and she repeated a few of the things back and giggled again.  I am so glad she knows all the reasons I love her!

however just so you all know that our life is not picture perfect, she did get in "trouble" for the first time last week!!!  No dessert, it was nothing major but she had been slightly pushing my buttons all night and then she hit the jackpot!!  She was a bit bummed but really moved on fairly quickly.  Not a lot effects her, which is a bit sad as I worry that she has been through so much that she has such a super tough shell now she does allow her emotions to take over sometimes.  Maybe in this world that is a good thing...who knows! I don't want to analyze it to much that is for sure!!

Her school is going really well, her teacher called her "extremely gifted" and said when the english takes off she is going to be a force to be reckoned with! We see it and it is pretty cool!  Speaking of her language, it is getting better and better we are still looking for an ESL tutor with no luck. 

She will be starting basketball next week which is really exciting and I think I am going to put her in swim lessons as well.  Her socialization is coming around, last week she started saying goodbye to her friends at school versus them just saying it to her and she staring at them!!  We also have our first birthday party next week! At Chuck E Cheese!! wish us luck!!  It is cute though as she is so excited to buy a present for the little girl!!  She said "mommy, sook (store) most beautiful baby"  I said absolutely!!

Our routine is settling in, although she hates when we work and is so excited at the rare moments we are all together, last night was one of those and she was so excited and just kept hugging us both and having all 3 of us hug! 

I promise to take some pictures this week! As everyone is asking!!

Finally an update!

Yes, I have not been the blogger I once was, I have not commented, written, almost forgot I had this!!  Not really we are just so busy that I typically do not have a minute to sit and do!

Chaltu is just amazing, she has been home 1 month and 1 week and while I kept thinking the other shoe was going to drop and everything was going to go crap, it hasn't and I really do not think that it will. 

It is interesting though she has not gotten in trouble yet...now this is not because we think that she can do not wrong, (I refuse no matter how adorable to have a bratty child).  But she really does not test those limits.  however; she did almost get there this week!  But it is with such small stuff, truly it is about her pace, 90% of the time this girl is a fast mover, she runs EVERYWHERE, except when it comes to washing her hands, brushing her teeth, getting into bed...you know the usual kid stuff and at night after asking her 42 times to do something my patience wears thin!  She asked me what trouble was and was I going to hit her? So I explained to her that I would not hit her, but what trouble could mean and when she realized that she might not be able to watch Jungle Book 2 (we just call it Mowgli around here) well she really understood it!  Not to say that her pace is quickening but now she can tell the difference in my voice. 

One of the biggest things that I learned this week is that I am truly her role model (I know duh I am her mom) but she is really looking to me for total guidance and how to maneuver through all this new.  I learned this on 2 occasions one with her communication at school, she is doing very well at school but not socializing too much, so we had  a talk about this and I really encouraged her to start talking to the girls in her class, the next day I received a great email from her teacher that she was talking and asking for help!!! She is also very aware of what I wear and what I look like...meaning I need to make sure that I don't always look like I rolled out of bed, not that I do but the month has taken it's toll on me.  While I will also put the emphasis on the inside not the outside, there is still a huge importance of how you are presenting yourself and the way it makes you feel!  She is really looking to me to shape her moves right now and I need to make sure I am helping her through that!
The hard part right now...Duane and I work opposite schedules- I am days, he is evenings, I am off wed/sun he is off fri/sat.  For logistical purposes this is awesome, he takes her to school, I pick her up, we don't have to worry about a baby sitter...But I miss him! and not in a way of I want more of him without Chaltu, but just I want to see him.  We also only have a snippet of family time a couple of hours on Friday and maybe Saturday.  It is hard, it is hard in the evenings to be a "single parent", it is hard trying to relay all the cool stuff she is doing, it is hard not to see each other.  If we make changes to our schedules it will cause more difficulties in the long run, so for now it is what it is and we need to get through it, but boy I wish something wonderful would happen to change these things!

this is where we are right now!  In case I have not mentioned it enough, my Chaltu is an amazing smart girl, who is my hero and I could not be any luckier to have her as my child! Leaving you all with a quote from her this week...
"mommy I have had 4 homes 2 Woliso and 2 in Ethiopia (confuses this) but this is HOME"

Adopting "older" children

When we first started this process we had decided that we wanted a child/children no older than 4.5, as things moved on we decided to change that to an older child (feel free to read earlier blogs!).  Wow what an amazing decision we made, this girl is AWESOME, the things we are experiencing with her being older is so much fun!!!
While the communication can be tough, we have all figured it out.  To see her delight in so many new things is amazing.
There are things that babies just grow up and know as they are normal for them, we are getting to see her have these things for the first time! 
The other night I was telling her about the Father/Daughter dance her school will have in February, she got so excited and we had to practice dancing! But then she realized she would need a dress, well she got 2 dresses from my in-laws so we ran upstairs and when she put one of them on ( I almost cried) she was so giggly and excited!  It was the cutest things I have seen.  This is just one of the many things that we have witnessed her seeing. 
There is so much new for this girl and she understands it! 
Of course I advocate any and all adoptions, everyone has their limits (lack of better word).  But if you are considering older child adoption...it is a blast!!

Just Pictures!

Grief comes in all forms

It has only been two weeks and 2 days since we have come back home, this I cannot believe.  When I look at all that Chaltu has experienced and done in 2 weeks, I am amazed at this little girl.
The one thing we have not seen an out pour of is obvious grief.  Her first few days here she wanted to listen to her Ethiopian music that they listened to daily at Horizon House. She has not asked for it since.  She does randomly grab my cell phone and try to call one nanny in particular, but mentions not one name of the children she was with.  She is VERY passionate about her Ethiopian food and she repeatedly talks about the colors of the ET flag.  We have noticed that when we are talking to each other (Duane and I) or to others and she can pick up on key words (ET, orphanage, horizon house) she withdrawals a little bit and then often will start looking at pictures on my phone of all the kids.  But she does not talk about any of it.

  I cannot imagine what is going on in her mind.  She is a very smart 7 year old (not so sure about that age, but that will be another post) so sometimes I think she knows we are her forever family and then other times I think well we are her 5th caregiver in 3 years, what makes us any different.

Once her english improves and we can start talking better, I hope she will feel comfortable for it to come out (her grief).  Chaltu had been through so much prior to being relinquished and then was in the orphanage for 2 years and 2 months before meeting us, I am sure she grieved there over her family.  But I know she misses ET I am just not sure what all she misses.

On a lighter note, we went into Ulta yesterday to buy some hair products and she broke her first bottle of nail polish all over the floor! and the proceeded to wipe her hands all over mine so we were both covered in bright red nail polish!!