Dear Birth Mother...

Only 4 days left until we board the plane to see our daughter again, to hug her, hold her and kiss her sweet little face.  Only 4 days left until the wait is finally over.  4 days is a very short amount of time, we could actually fly there and back twice in 4 days, although I definitely do not plan to do that!

also in 4 (well more like 6-8) days we will meet CC's birth mother, we will possibly meet her other family members.  We will ask them as many questions as they will let us and hopefully learn a lot about CC's first 5 years.  We might learn more about the blindness in her left eye, or the long scar along the right side of her face.  We hope to learn if she has any nicknames or what her favorite things to do were.  We will see where she was raised, possibly even where she was born.  We will maybe hear about the choice in detail on how her mother had to make the decision to relinquish her.  There is also the possibility we will get it all on video for CC to see one day, for her when she needs to know and understand, when she has a longing for a brief moment with her birth mother.  As I just wrote birth mother, I realized it is not fitting, she is more than her birth mother, she raised CC for 5 years, she is her first mother and always will be. 
Now we could also learn nothing, she could want to tell us nothing, she could feel embarrassed, shamed or many other things.  They may not want us to take pictures or video, we could have nothing to provide to CC when those questions arise.  But, tonight I am not going to worry about all of that, as I need to write a letter to CC's first mother.  I need to tell her how we are going to raise CC, what type of family we are, provide her with vague details of what we think CC's life will look like.  I need to imagine what questions she might ask and provide her with answers, she will not have a video to remember us by or our "story".  It will all be from her memory of this day and this letter.  How in the world do I put what I am feeling in a letter? How do I provide her the reassurance of the love we will always have for her daughter, how do I let her know that CC will always be protected by us. 
I am finding it all very similar to getting married, when Duane and I wed, we made a solemn commitment to each other and to God for our eternal love.  When you have a child ( I imagine) you make a similar commitment to the child, but this is different, We are making this commitment to her first mother, the woman who carried her for 9 months, who gave birth to her and spent 5 year with her.  I am feeling so very humbled at this moment.  While I have no doubts about my commitment to CC, how do I write this on a "no longer than 2 page double spaced letter".  How in the world do I convey this message to CC's first mother?  I will do my best, I hope though that when we meet, she will see our hearts and that she will know everything that I want to say, but just was not able to.  I hope she will know that I pray for her and that she will always be CC's first mother.  I hope for a brief moment every once in awhile she will look at the letter and know that we are going to the ends of the earth and back for CC.  That she will find peace in the decision she had to make, even if only for a few minutes.