Friday, October 21, 2011
Saying Goodbye
We have been at Horizon House now for 4 days, while there is so much to tell and I will at some point, right now I cannot sleep. I am exhausted, after playing with 20 kids today and the altitude I am beat, but here I am awake. Tomorrow we say goodbye to our girl. Every time I think about this I begin to cry. Getting to know her has been such a delight. The first 2 days she came to us readily, lovingly, even running into our arms, she hung around us all day, was quiet, but happy. Day 3 she opened up a bit more around us with her friends here, we also were able to spend one on one time with her and played some games we brought and she had a lot of fun. But today, she was completely herself ( I like to think), she was very happy to see us,was not afraid to be a little grumpy with us, talked a lot with her friends, did not get jealous when we played with other kids, when we played our games again, she was very comfortable completely cheating so she could win. In other words she was relaxed, she was bonding, she knew that if we played with another child we would still love and hug on her. That she could mimic english words and if she messed them up we would not make fun of her. Now tomorrow we have to tell her goodbye, she already knows what is happening we sorta had this conversation yesterday with one of the nannies translating. But tomorrow is reality on Sunday Mommy and Daddy will not walk through the gate to greet her in the morning. This just sucks can I say, I mean seriously sucks. I know there are a lot of you who have been through this and you understand and even those that haven't been through it well we knew it would suck before doing it. It just bugs me, she is old enough to understand but how does she know we will really come back, I know we will but does she? I just want to call the US Embassy and tell them off, tell them to quit making this so damn difficult on the children, the parents...it is stupid (yes I know why and all the blah blah crap) today I don't care about any of that, because tomorrow I have to convince my little girl without upsetting her, letting her see me upset or anything else that will traumatize her that I will be back to get her, that she is coming home to live with us soon. So tonight I lay awake and listen to the sounds of her life the dogs barking, the horns honking, the loud music and know that this is the last night that she is just a block away from me and that this time tomorrow I will be boarding a plane.
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I have been hanging on your every post since arriving in Addis, but this is one I didn't want to read. This is the part of the entire adoption process that I dread more than anything else. I hope that she is old enough to understand and that the last four days have built enough trust for her to be confident of your return. I'm sure she can see the love in your eyes and knows you will return as soon as you can. Hang in there. In a few short (OK, they will likely seem long...) months, you will be bringing her home and this time will be a distant memory.
ReplyDeleteUgh. I too, dread this moment. I hope the next few months go quickly, that the embassy does a thorough investigation, and that your case is approved as soon as possible.
ReplyDeleteYou can always say to heck with it and just turn around and go back early... just saying. I agree. It is ABSOLUTELY AWFUL!
ReplyDeletesoon she will be home. I can't imagine how hard it will be to wait. Just remember that there are lots of blog friends to vent to. :)
ReplyDeleteyes, it's terrible. We had Sister Tirhas speak to M with us about why we were leaving and that we would be back. They like to tell the kids that "mommy and daddy are going back to America to get your new bed ready." We also sent pictures to the kids between trips with anothe rtraveling family; they were the first thing M showed us when we returned for Embassy. And speaking of the Embassy, hang in there. Our case was held up for a few extra weeks to complete a more thorough investigation. It was maddening, but it all worked out in the end. And don't forget that she is receiving excellent care at HH.
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