Wednesday, November 10, 2010
need more advice!
As Duane and I finish up our home study (finally...) and begin the last link in our paperwork journey we are thinking about changing our age range, we are currently at 0-4 sibling group, and thinking of changing it to 0-6. There are many reasons we are thinking about this, but I would love to hear from anyone that has adopted siblings in this age range and can tell us some real life things to think about. We currently have no kids but have a great deal of experience of being around kids. I know 4 & 6 are much different and that our "4" yr old could be 6 and our 6 yr old could be 8....love to hear from my friends out there. If you don't know but know someone please pass this along! thanks!!
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I think it is a great idea. This will do a number of things including making your wait much shorter - and provide a home to children who are often overlooked for age.
ReplyDeleteThe possibility for more behavioral or emotional problems is definitely increased with this range.
Sorry - thats as much opinion as i can have on it not being a parent myself. :)
We are one year waiting for sibs 0-4 and I know increasing your range will shorten your wait considerably. We too are going to be first time parents, but I have worked in schools (as a special ed. teacher and now a school psychologist) for 12 years... If your kids will be starting school soon after coming home make sure they are receiving ELL services in their home district and are assigned a classroom teacher comfortable making the necessary modifications and accommodations for your kids. I imagine the transition to school will be a 'shocker' for you kids as I doubt they will have had much 'experience being a student.' They will need to learn things like: standing in line, raising your hand, following directions etc. And depending upon your child's temperment, attachment, health, etc. etc. that may be super easy or difficult. I guess my advice would be to prepare for the 'worst' and hope for the best. I think it's wonderful that you are looking to extend your range. We are considering it as well... =)Good luck to you!
ReplyDeleteI would go for it if you are ok with getting a 4ish and a 6ish. If you really have your heart set on a younger child, then you might ask about stating 0-6 with one of them being under 3. The wait when I started was about 6 months. However, obviously they are now available without a wait.
ReplyDeleteI talked to a lot of people who adopted 0-6 and had great things to say for their reasoning. One, I talk to constantly, said that she can say she has never lost a night's sleep. Also, they do a lot with their kids, camping, traveling, etc. The other couple told me they felt like they would enjoy doing things NOW rather than waiting for the kids to grow up.
I really believe that the oldest you would end up with would be 7. People told me about stories of people thinking they were getting a 6 year old, and the kid was much older. Those people were not with WHFC. Remember WHFC always is cautious. If they truly believe the child is over 6, they will not give him to someone who has 0-6. The two couples I emailed quite a bit believe their oldest are 6.5 now. While WHFC gives you the worst case scenario, I felt very at ease with them because they try to go with the oldest possible age on the child.
My big boy has an age listed of 2. The doctors believe 4-5. Therefore, the agency said in the referral call they would not give him to people who want 0-4 because he may be over 4.
The biggest issues I have heard about is dealing with tantrums, meltdowns, etc more with the older kids. However, it appears that they do fine after a short period of time. It is amazing how fast they change. I also heard from some people that another benefit is you get to enjoy the older kids experiencing everything for the first time... baths, ice cream cones, etc., whereas little ones grow up with that and just accept it.
If you want to talk to someone who took a 6.5 and 3.5, and has dealt with tantrums etc with the oldest and raves about the range now, email me. I will put you two in touch. I love to talk to her because it was NOT easy in the beginning, and her kids have been doing SO great!
I am a private person on public blogs, but I can talk to you about my background and my thoughts on it.
I personally spent way too much time waivering between 0-5 and 0-6, and in the end it didn't really matter...fate stepped in.
We're currently waiting for 0-54 months. We were originally 0-4, but recently decided to raise it just a tad. For us, the main concern has been starting school right off the bat. We really want them to have a little time in pre-school before they are thrust into formal education. So, our request is now that we'll take a child up to 4.5, if that child will not meet the cut-off (Sept. 1 in Florida) for starting school in September. It's a little complicated to write the home study that way, but that's what we're most comfortable with. Also, be aware of what Jennifer posted above. WHFC takes both the "paper age" and the age estimated by the doctor into account when matching children with families. Therefore, if you're open to a 5-year-old, be sure that your home study is written that way in the "recommendations" section. We thought that we could possibly get a child older than four with just our 0-4 age range, but they are looking for more than just the stated age on the paperwork. It's definitely a tough decision, especially when you see the waiting kids. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry too much about the cut off date. Many kids here don't start k until they are 6. The principal said his daughter was 6 in the summer, so he chose to wait until she was 6 to start k. You can ask your school, but I know someone's child who is believed to be 6.5 and started in k. He was only home from Ethiopia since July, and I guess it is going well. Another one's child came home in late February, and he is 6.5 and in first. That shocks me, but he is loving it. He was in montessori for a month in the summer, and they said he caught on to things so fast, they recommended it.
ReplyDeleteI was talking to WHFC today, and my oldest will have an issued birth certificate stating he is two. I was wondering if when the embassy issues it they change it to what they believe. They don't. They will use the age given on the background info from the orphanage. However, I was told 4-5 by the doctor. Therefore, we are going with he turns 5 May 31. They can never tell exactly how old a child is, but only give a range.
Right now I am leaning on having him start K. I change my mind every day, but I really think I will end up doing that.
That way I can give a little more intervention and one on one with the baby. It seems like the older kids catch on really fast. Also, I can work with him at home after school and weekends building his experiences which should help immensely. I think by the end of K he will be doing well. It just may take awhile to get going due to language.
You might want to check with the school district where you are. From what I read in Florida, it's harder to hold back a child and not start until they are six. I have two older kids, so I've seen the rigors (yes, rigors) of Kindergarten. Even though kids catch on to the language quickly, there are some advanced concepts they are expected to know by the end of K. Plus, at least in our school district, they expect kids to be reading by the beginning of first grade. It just seems like a lot on top of the transition to a new family. However, we have some friends who adopted from Ghana two years ago, and their kids went into 1st and 2nd grades. They struggled, and grades were not excellent, but they are now almost caught up. So, I guess it can work, but I'm not sure if I could give them the extra help and assistance they need (1st grade math is sometimes to hard for me!!)
ReplyDelete