We said goodbye to our girl 3 days ago. I miss her so much- her adorable gait, how when she would see us walk through the gate each day- the smile on her face would expand and she would run and jump in our arms and hug and kiss us!
Saying goodbye was even harder that I thought. We had one of the nannies translating and I was doing ok- a bit teary but not to bad, then I asked the nanny to ask CC if she wanted to ask us anything before we left or tell us anything...she did, she said tell them I love them and will miss them...I LOST it, I mean did exactly what I should not have done...even the nanny started to cry, we were all a mess. But, I was able to pull it together for about two minutes to walk back to the room.
But on a GREAT note, she is being so well taken care of, I have not one single worry of the love, care and nurturing she is receiving, they are absolutely amazing there.
We do have a lot to do to prep for her arrival, so this time will probably go by very fast!
In the interim we will look at her pictures, videos and continue to daydream about our little princess!! We are sending her cards and packages as much as possible! There are so many wonderful families willing to help! Thank you all in advance! This is such an amazing community!!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Saying Goodbye
We have been at Horizon House now for 4 days, while there is so much to tell and I will at some point, right now I cannot sleep. I am exhausted, after playing with 20 kids today and the altitude I am beat, but here I am awake. Tomorrow we say goodbye to our girl. Every time I think about this I begin to cry. Getting to know her has been such a delight. The first 2 days she came to us readily, lovingly, even running into our arms, she hung around us all day, was quiet, but happy. Day 3 she opened up a bit more around us with her friends here, we also were able to spend one on one time with her and played some games we brought and she had a lot of fun. But today, she was completely herself ( I like to think), she was very happy to see us,was not afraid to be a little grumpy with us, talked a lot with her friends, did not get jealous when we played with other kids, when we played our games again, she was very comfortable completely cheating so she could win. In other words she was relaxed, she was bonding, she knew that if we played with another child we would still love and hug on her. That she could mimic english words and if she messed them up we would not make fun of her. Now tomorrow we have to tell her goodbye, she already knows what is happening we sorta had this conversation yesterday with one of the nannies translating. But tomorrow is reality on Sunday Mommy and Daddy will not walk through the gate to greet her in the morning. This just sucks can I say, I mean seriously sucks. I know there are a lot of you who have been through this and you understand and even those that haven't been through it well we knew it would suck before doing it. It just bugs me, she is old enough to understand but how does she know we will really come back, I know we will but does she? I just want to call the US Embassy and tell them off, tell them to quit making this so damn difficult on the children, the parents...it is stupid (yes I know why and all the blah blah crap) today I don't care about any of that, because tomorrow I have to convince my little girl without upsetting her, letting her see me upset or anything else that will traumatize her that I will be back to get her, that she is coming home to live with us soon. So tonight I lay awake and listen to the sounds of her life the dogs barking, the horns honking, the loud music and know that this is the last night that she is just a block away from me and that this time tomorrow I will be boarding a plane.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
10 days...
We will be getting on a plane in 10 days! I am so emotional it is crazy! My co-workers said I am just as hormonal as a pregnant woman in her last month! I am crying about everything (seriously, during the X-Factor last week I kept crying- yes Duane is laughing at me) I am forgetting everything else, I cannot sleep....I am a wreck! BUT I am super happy so I am a happy wreck.
We are trying to figure out what else do we need to do...I keep checking that all of our paperwork is ready(ready for what you ask? I guess that it is ready to travel!), I am going to start packing tomorrow. I am celebrating every day at this point...two weeks until we fly, two weeks until we meet her, two weeks until we go to court....not looking forward to this Saturday that will be two weeks until we leave here...UGH that I am dreading.
My sister is coming up here the week after we get back to help with whatever else we need done on the house (she is a organizational nut!) then a friend is throwing me a shower which will be a blast!
It is really happening I am actually going to be a mom...OMG!
Well back to making friendship bracelets, I am taking these with us, there are special ones for CC, Duane and myself (that have our names) but thought I would make a bunch to give to the kids as well!
10 days and then the blogging will take on a whole new wait, worry, freak out...
We are trying to figure out what else do we need to do...I keep checking that all of our paperwork is ready(ready for what you ask? I guess that it is ready to travel!), I am going to start packing tomorrow. I am celebrating every day at this point...two weeks until we fly, two weeks until we meet her, two weeks until we go to court....not looking forward to this Saturday that will be two weeks until we leave here...UGH that I am dreading.
My sister is coming up here the week after we get back to help with whatever else we need done on the house (she is a organizational nut!) then a friend is throwing me a shower which will be a blast!
It is really happening I am actually going to be a mom...OMG!
Well back to making friendship bracelets, I am taking these with us, there are special ones for CC, Duane and myself (that have our names) but thought I would make a bunch to give to the kids as well!
10 days and then the blogging will take on a whole new wait, worry, freak out...
Monday, September 26, 2011
3 weeks
In 3 weeks we will be on a plane bound for ET, we will finally get to meet her!! I would be lying if I said that I was not feeling a bit anxious! I have started having dreams about the flight, being in Africa and meeting CC. They have been pretty vivid dreams (this is normal for me when I am anxious) everything from missing our Court date to bright pink and blue bugs that are poisonous! That dream came the day we got vaccinated!
When I look back at some of my first blogs, I realized I have come full circle I went from being nervous about being a mom,cooking, hair, schools...to it being all about the process. I am now back to thinking about those mom things again and getting nervous! Excited of course but nervous nonetheless, nervous to meet her. She is 7, she has an idea what is happening, this meeting will be part of her memory of her forever family. As I think about this I think (overthink) all the details, the soap we use, that smell will be something she is aware of forever, the clothes if not plain we wear could be something she remembers, if my nails are painted that could stand out for her (good or bad) it is all these tiny little things that make memory's and while they seem insignificant alone, together what they create can be very powerful. Does this mean that I am debating nail polish color and spending hours at bath & body works, nope, not at all just thinking about it all! Although if I don't get a skirt or dress that is long the judge may throw me out!!!
In 3 weeks my world will be rocked and boy I can't wait! Now I just need to get packing and shopping!!
When I look back at some of my first blogs, I realized I have come full circle I went from being nervous about being a mom,cooking, hair, schools...to it being all about the process. I am now back to thinking about those mom things again and getting nervous! Excited of course but nervous nonetheless, nervous to meet her. She is 7, she has an idea what is happening, this meeting will be part of her memory of her forever family. As I think about this I think (overthink) all the details, the soap we use, that smell will be something she is aware of forever, the clothes if not plain we wear could be something she remembers, if my nails are painted that could stand out for her (good or bad) it is all these tiny little things that make memory's and while they seem insignificant alone, together what they create can be very powerful. Does this mean that I am debating nail polish color and spending hours at bath & body works, nope, not at all just thinking about it all! Although if I don't get a skirt or dress that is long the judge may throw me out!!!
In 3 weeks my world will be rocked and boy I can't wait! Now I just need to get packing and shopping!!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
30 Days...
30 days until we meet her, hug her, kiss her. In 30 days our life will change forever, not that it has not already begun, but then it will all be real. It is hard to believe we started this journey a year and 4 months ago and now it is coming. I asked Duane today if there was anything left he wanted to do before we became parents, neither of us could think of 1 thing!
I need to make a list of all that we do NEED to accomplish before she comes home. While it is "just" the court date and she will not yet come home with us, time is getting away and there are things to be done.
We are still learning Amharic and I never managed to learn to cook Ethiopian food, going to rely on restaurants at this point. I can't stress about it!
Her room is done, but we are still deciding on her school, we have it narrowed down and are almost positive but still need to meet the teacher and do an observation.
There are small things around the house that need to be done, some functional, some "safety" even though she is not a toddler there is so much she won't know.
Then there is preparing to go on leave at work, while I am very excited about this, it could be right at Holiday season and I am in retail, so again I am THRILLED at this thought (it has been years since I have not worked a holiday) the stress of what I will come back to scares me a bit.
But most of all I am frantic about the first trip stuff, the paperwork (new updated stuff to do), plus bringing all the right paperwork, donations, clothes, cameras...do we have the right luggage? How much is too much? too little?
In 30 days none of this will matter, I will be holding her (if she will let me!) and life will be perfect! I just have to get through the next 30 days!
I need to make a list of all that we do NEED to accomplish before she comes home. While it is "just" the court date and she will not yet come home with us, time is getting away and there are things to be done.
We are still learning Amharic and I never managed to learn to cook Ethiopian food, going to rely on restaurants at this point. I can't stress about it!
Her room is done, but we are still deciding on her school, we have it narrowed down and are almost positive but still need to meet the teacher and do an observation.
There are small things around the house that need to be done, some functional, some "safety" even though she is not a toddler there is so much she won't know.
Then there is preparing to go on leave at work, while I am very excited about this, it could be right at Holiday season and I am in retail, so again I am THRILLED at this thought (it has been years since I have not worked a holiday) the stress of what I will come back to scares me a bit.
But most of all I am frantic about the first trip stuff, the paperwork (new updated stuff to do), plus bringing all the right paperwork, donations, clothes, cameras...do we have the right luggage? How much is too much? too little?
In 30 days none of this will matter, I will be holding her (if she will let me!) and life will be perfect! I just have to get through the next 30 days!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Potential Court Date
This was the subject line of an email I received last Thursday from my caseworker. The email went on to say, we have exciting news, you have a potential court date of xx-xx-xxxx, however due to that day being a Saturday we think it might be an error, so we are checking and as soon as we know we will get back to you....
today is Tuesday...I am sure you will all be shocked (HUGE amount of sarcasm) when I say we have not heard back from them...why have we not heard back...not sure, but could it be because it was ET New Year yesterday and I am sure they were not working Friday, yesterday or today (probably that is why they don't see cases).
I started thinking about a year ago (and a few months) when we started this process and all the roadblocks we hit along the way.
1. Homestudy agency did not tell us they were only homestudy and that we would have to contact WH ourselves (not a huge deal but...)
2. Homestudy agency said you can have your social work visit without your Dr. appts- oh wait (3 weeks later, no you can't)
3. then there was the every famous slicing of Duane's finger 2 days before our fingerprints were to be taken
4. or how about the Friday following the Thursday we sent in our FINAL paperwork to officially be waiting and everyone (not WH) announced hey all adoptions are going to take a billion years longer than we thought!
I am sure I am leaving some stuff out...but you all get the point. Here is the coolest thing ever though, it took God to allow ALL that to get us matched with our girl (as most of you know we started out on the sibling route). It was all part of the process, I cried, I screamed, I panicked and now it all seems so insignificant because we are matched with our little girl and we will meet her so soon. So am I frustrated because I have a potential court date and we are in a holding pattern on flights, asking off for work and a number of other things, sure I am. But am I freaking out, crying, saying why me...not at all. There is no telling what cool thing is happening right now due to this! We are meeting our CC soon and that is all that matters to me!
We are coming baby girl- He is bringing us all together!!
today is Tuesday...I am sure you will all be shocked (HUGE amount of sarcasm) when I say we have not heard back from them...why have we not heard back...not sure, but could it be because it was ET New Year yesterday and I am sure they were not working Friday, yesterday or today (probably that is why they don't see cases).
I started thinking about a year ago (and a few months) when we started this process and all the roadblocks we hit along the way.
1. Homestudy agency did not tell us they were only homestudy and that we would have to contact WH ourselves (not a huge deal but...)
2. Homestudy agency said you can have your social work visit without your Dr. appts- oh wait (3 weeks later, no you can't)
3. then there was the every famous slicing of Duane's finger 2 days before our fingerprints were to be taken
4. or how about the Friday following the Thursday we sent in our FINAL paperwork to officially be waiting and everyone (not WH) announced hey all adoptions are going to take a billion years longer than we thought!
I am sure I am leaving some stuff out...but you all get the point. Here is the coolest thing ever though, it took God to allow ALL that to get us matched with our girl (as most of you know we started out on the sibling route). It was all part of the process, I cried, I screamed, I panicked and now it all seems so insignificant because we are matched with our little girl and we will meet her so soon. So am I frustrated because I have a potential court date and we are in a holding pattern on flights, asking off for work and a number of other things, sure I am. But am I freaking out, crying, saying why me...not at all. There is no telling what cool thing is happening right now due to this! We are meeting our CC soon and that is all that matters to me!
We are coming baby girl- He is bringing us all together!!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Lighter shade of blue
Well, I do feel a bit better today, not because WH called but just pulling up my boot straps and moving forward. Thanks all for the comments! Our caseworker and I were exchanging emails and I did let her know she could call me anythime now with that court date, day or night, that I was having a tough week and we needed to go ahead and get that lined up!! She asked if I wanted to set up a check in call, I said no thanks, because if you call my number and it is to tell me you know nothing more...I will not be happy!!! I appreciate her willingness to talk to me but I think I get all I need with you all!!!
I ordered an Amharic CD/workbook for learning the language and got it today. it is by Simple Language for adoptive families- figured that my hourish commute every day could be better spent by learning the language! I have friends at work that speak Amharic so I can practice with them and then husband and I will start speaking it to each other aswell!! Should be fun to see what this old brain can absorb!
I ordered an Amharic CD/workbook for learning the language and got it today. it is by Simple Language for adoptive families- figured that my hourish commute every day could be better spent by learning the language! I have friends at work that speak Amharic so I can practice with them and then husband and I will start speaking it to each other aswell!! Should be fun to see what this old brain can absorb!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)